instructus | lorelei's inbox

I'll be honest: No. But since you asked...

I have not felt very strongly about anything in a while.

Sorry to hear that, even if I kinda know how it goes.

Any particular reason? Just tired of things? Don't tell me you're some ancient being that got too bored with your own existence. ;) I don't believe in those.

You have been through quite a lot, so I can see it. And an ancient who is bored with their own existence sounds like a dreadful life to live, haha. But yes, there is a reason for it, and it's not anything you've mentioned.

Mistakes happen and sometimes, they are irreversible. You play into the wrong hands and pay the price for it.

More curiosity: What do you know about my life? Probably a lot, saying all that. If you paired me up with Shizuku knowing all that you were looking to get a rise out of me. I'm happy to report that part worked. I don't mean that in a negative way. I'm just saying, if you wanted me to take something out of this, I have. I'll even tell you all about it, if you ask politely.

Irreversible. Well, I know that feeling, too, in my own way. I'd imagine paying the price for it isn't something you'd want to see somebody else repeat.

[ Pretend this is courier ]

Well, certainly. I would like to hear about it.

When you put it that way, I suppose not.

Okay, since I can't sleep and you're being so generous, why not? What I've learned is kind of complicated. I've got a little bit of a temper, you know. But I'll tell you that killing myself enough times has actually been good for me! It's good to get that kind of stuff out.

I don't think I've made friends here, even though I like some of the people in the class. Shizuku's probably the closest, and I'm still figuring that out. That's another thing: putting me with someone that forgiving was kiiinda a dick move. But it's tempered some of the way I think about myself, or at least made me think about thinking about it. Ultimately I've ended up with a lot to say to my partner when I get back. I feel a little less isolated, I guess is how I'd put it.

What do you think of that? Maybe if you come out and meet us we can make you feel less lonely, too. Florence is a catch and all, but...

What is it that's holding you back from making companions here? I was under the impression that you and Shizuku were quite close.

Regardless, that you feel less isolated is not a bad thing in the slightest. I find that rather interesting. Truthfully, although the partnership with you and Shizuku was intentional, I was not entirely sure how it would turn out. I am glad it worked out in your favor.

[ Whatever "glad" means, anyway. ]

And you don't have to worry about me feeling isolated. I can function well enough on my own.

I've lost enough friends in my life. I don't need to make more I'm gonna lose by default in a couple of weeks. See my point?

Which is why it's complicated with Shizuku, actually. We're close for now, but when she figures me out she might make better life choices and want to ditch me entirely. That's up to her. I'm not gonna try to influence her toward keeping me around. But there's the issue again: we're going to be gone in a few weeks. So why get that attached? We both have to go back to being idols, you know? So it's not like we can even be good friends after. She'll never make it to debut if she messes around with having a big, loud, flashy guy like me in her life.

You can function well enough on your own, but you don't enjoy it. You don't enjoy anything. Except maybe those earrings.

I can certainly say that I understand your decision to not want to influence her either way. Regardless of the outcome, I do hope that the two of you have at least been able to help each other out during your stay here, if nothing else.

Hm. I suppose so, though I have to ask: Why does that concern you?

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lorelei are you single

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Cw self-harm mention (flippant)

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